Linked to a Gentleman

Have you ever seen Kate and Leopold?  Well, either way go watch it… really, I love it in all its cheesiness and, you’ll understand this post better. 

Someone once told Ryan that he reminded them of Leopold.  That connection is SPOT ON genius, I’m sad I didn’t come up with it myself.  To steal a review of that movie and stick it to my husband… he’s a “delightful charmer”.  I’m positive I could write pages telling you all about it; only it would turn out very unclear, and probably wouldn’t be very interesting to you either.  So let me just try and blanket you with these thoughts on my mind.

I cannot recall any meal in my married existence when “Leopold” hasn’t reached across the table to hold my hand.  Sometimes it’s just for a brief moment, other times he grasps kindly until we’re through eating.  This morning over breakfast my son reached over and grabbed my hand and held it the entire meal; just like a little “Leopold”.  I am bound between two gentlemen, and this is something great.

There was a time when society in general portrayed most all men as gentlemen.  Unfortunately, the modern portrayal deems them as the complete opposite.  Gentlemanly behavior can even be discouraged.  How have modern women developed this antagonistic and even monstrous attitude?  Where did this perspective come from; that opening a door makes me, as a woman, feel demeaned?  Have we lost faith and trust in our men?

Too often I am bombarded with the idea that men are corporeal, inept, juvenile, and egotistical.  A highly respected and influential leader put it like this,

 “… there are those who denigrate men and their contributions.  They seem to think of life as a competition between male and female – that one must dominate the other, and now it’s the women’s turn.  Some argue that a career is everything and marriage and children should be entirely optional – therefore, why do we need men?” (Elder D. Todd Christofferson)  

At the end of Kate and Leopold, Kate discovers that she wants her gentleman more than any vocational career.  She has it in her heart to stand side by side with Leopold rather than dominate in all areas of her world.  She chooses the society that portrays men and women as they should be, giving up the modern luxuries of her world.  Yes, yes... this is a fictional story, but so is Romeo and Juliet, and everyone seems to use that to prove a point.

I believe that where gratitude is given, happiness is also found.  I recently watched a short clip (linkedhere) which validates this theory; that the happiness one enjoys is directly correlated to their level of gratitude.  Perhaps a lack of gratitude on our part as women is one reason we are so incredibly negative, towards ourselves, and our men.  When one part of life turns grey, it's easy to let others go dark as well.

Who is there when we are feeling a bit irritable? Our men... who often times become a scapegoat to their surly, defensive, and man-eating woman.  Once our motives were to walk with our men. Now, some women want to stomp them out all together.  Am I saying that we let men walk all over us? … NO.  I'm saying that we should go through our lives introspectively and gratefully.  Perhaps we will find greater security in ourselves if we, rather than being critical, will recognize and highlight the good in our men and show our gratitude in the way we live.  In doing so, I'm confident that we will find deeper joy ourselves. 

Girls… We should not feel like failures when we need help or if we can’t juggle everything under the sun!  Sometimes we (I) expect too much, and if 'things' are not accomplished, then the monster just may come out to eat everyone in her path. I love this profound advice from a caring and inspired man, counseling women using the Forget Me Not flower as a metaphor:

1.     Forget not to be patient with yourselves

2.     Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice

3.     Forget not to be happy now

4.     Forget not the “why” of the gospel

5.     Forget not that the Lord loves you

-Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I certainly need to be reminded of these truths.  I haven’t always remembered the significance of the men in my life.  Perhaps this is an underlying reason that I find myself writing so meaningfully about this topic.

DEFINITION

Gen-tle-man : a man

(No joke... This is THE definition)

We all have our own ideas of what the term gentleman means to us.  Mine is a Leopold.  Yours could be a back-woods lumberjack, a music man, the athletic type, or a Mr. Brain.  In the end, that's not what really matters.  Then what does matter?  ...Love, gratitude, trust, security, strength, passion, laughter, amusement, excitement, and devotion.  Obtaining each of these is completely dependent on us as couples, just as much as individuals.  We cannot make the other wheel turn, but we are certainly connected by that force from the axle, which definitely encourages the other wheel along.  Two wheels, connected by a strong axle, can support much more than one.

 My husband and I are linked together in so many ways.  When he is happy, I am glad.  When I am unsettled, he is troubled.  When I gained 25 lbs. during pregnancy, he put on 25 sympathy lbs. as well.  Because of our deep bond, if I believe he is a gentleman, I will treat him as a gentleman, and he will connect as such.  Though each relationship is different, we must remember; he is not a puppet and we don’t think for him, but we do think with him.  All married couples must learn to unite if they want to be successful.  Our success depends upon selfless love.

Two (of the many) fruits of love are faith and trust; these virtues are needed to empower.  Do we always remember to show that we appreciate each other?  No… but we do always come back to each other, that spells loyalty, another fruit of love.

So what is the point here … I'm not sure I know, but if there is anything you remember about this jumble of ideas I hope it's this...

Love to cherish, and cherish your love, for you may be delightfully surprised at the gentleman you find.